Payne's Memories, Poems, stories and more

[Jesus Of Suburbia]

Be happy the first few posts are gunna be poems then something else.

EHEHEHEHEHEHEHEMWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAA*cough*hahahahahaha*gag*

x.X

[Jesus Of Suburbia]

Poem Numero Uno::

A new road,
But the Same f**king past,
I fully welcome my life's end,
Not event he mighty savior can restore peace,
Heal my d**ned ruby arms,
HEAL THESE f**kING
SCARS

-2/09/08
Payne Ookami
Gabrielle Victoria.D

[Jesus Of Suburbia]

The beginning of a demon


I watch the Angels fly above me,
As the Demon's bestow my crown,
Wanting to leap,
The demons; they hold me down,
Lying here with my crushed heart,

Frozen now,
Never to thaw,
Asleep, wanting to wake,
waiting to break,

Now Awake,
My blood runs cold,
Now Broken,
Now Confused,
Now Lost ,
Now in Silence.

The only Silence I need is yours.

-3/25/08
Payne Ookami
Gabrielle Victoria D.

[Jesus Of Suburbia]

Dead

Metal studs,
Silver eyes,
Asphyxiated.
I will not die,

Laying in the puddle of mud,
The angels Laugh,
As I cry,
I could say::

"I'd rather die then be liked for something I am not, I'd rather be hated for what I am"

But it's to late.

Fake
monster
freak
worthless
DEAD

- 4/14/08
Payne Ookami
Gabrielle Victoria D.

[Jesus Of Suburbia]

Home

Lost in this wretched Nightmare,Never to past,
My Sanity is long gone,
My Heart-told-tall spoken one to many times,
I am broken glass of a mirror,
Never to be fixed,
My soul tells of horror,
That my lips will not say,

Never to heal,
I am weak in this dead society,
My heart now dust,
Turned by your lust(I might add).
How Much longer will I last?
My sanctuary is long forgotten,
My tale for the last time,
Has been told.

I am a stranger in my own home...

- 4/15/08
Payne Ookami
Gabrielle Victoria D.

[Jesus Of Suburbia]

A day not to be celebrated...

Another Day,
Another time,
Another lover lost; Never to be mine,
Still I await for another soul,
Weeping like mine,
In this wretched dark hole,
Another year.
On this day
14 years; To say
Self esteem low,
Wanting to die,
Oh so high,
Staring at my ceiling with blood shot eyes,
" Happy birthday, Happy birthday"
They sing to me,
If they want me happy
Why not leave me be?
Let me fly free...

- 5/23/08
My brithday of course,
Payne Ookami
Gabrielle Victoria. D

[Jesus Of Suburbia]

Berserk Love song


Falling into this beautiful nightmare,
Long slept in your lair.
I Gave my soul,
You disgraceful ghoul,
I gave you my heart,
You tore it apart,

So this is what you have done,
Created a berserk love song,
The angels have long said good-bye,
Listen to the words I cry,


Listen to these words as I scream out my lungs,
((scream out my lungs))
Listen to these words as I scream out my blood,
((I scream out my blood))
Listen to these words as I scream out my heart,
((screaming out my heart))
Listen as I scream out my love,
((for you that a death can’t pull us apart))

Golden rose with bloody thorns,
Pale skin and pink slashed wrist,
I kiss them softly as you whisper out my name,
The scent of death in the air.
I stare into your hard glare,
The gun in your hand,
Bullet in my chest,


This is what you’ve done,
Created this berserk love song,
The angels have long said good-bye ,
Listen to these f**king words I cry ,


Listen to these words as I scream out my lungs,
((scream out my lungs))
Listen to these words as I scream out my blood,
((I scream out my blood))
Listen to these words as I scream out my heart,
((screaming out my heart))
Listen as I scream out my love,
((for you that a death can’t pull us apart))

- Sometime in 07
Payne Ookami
Gabrielle Victoria D.

[Jesus Of Suburbia]

Just a lovely Lil' saying to people I hate

I want to rip my f**king heart out.
And shove it down your throat,
And laugh as I die,
and you choke.

- I forget
Payne Ookami
Gabrielle Victoria D.

[Jesus Of Suburbia]

Well starting this story isn’t going to be easy. But it’s one of those stories that need to be told. So hopefully I will be able to be a good story teller. It seems to me that a story is only as good as the story teller. So here is my attempt at it.
The year of the beginning of my journey certainly wouldn’t be 1983 but that is where we’re starting. At times we may regress into different years previous to 1983 but that’s only on reference for future events .
Every tale has a life line but sometimes in the telling of the tale the life line can be difficult to relate its important
Waking up every morning I wonder what the f**k am I doing here .not that I’m unhappy
But I had to looked back, I have to look back and think how the f**k did I end up here?

- Sometime in 07

Survina Gray And Payne Ookami

Madeline G. and Gabrielle Victoria D.

[Jesus Of Suburbia]

Let's bleed out the sun
"Please,oh,please,"
Cried the sun,
Bleeding red,
Oh god,
I know I'm dead,
I carved your name into the bullet so everyone will know,
You were the last thing I thought of now ,

You f**ked up my mental health,
Good for you,
You didn't let me be,
You pulled me towards you only to push me back,
You left me dead inside,

You kissed me,
making my heart beat stumble,
As my empire crumpled.
Your smile was soft and forgiving,
Your eyes were fierce and cold,

Every thing you do,
Costs me the most,
My only friend is Hate,
you,
You were the fuel to my fire,
You were the love of my life,
You were the bruises to my beatings,
It was your daily greeting,
Your lies were the things that
Asphyxiated my words,
And you were the gun to my head,

You saw my corpse,
You saw it blue,
My pale eye's staring at you,
I saw your eye's,
I watched you cry,
And right before I died,
You said goodbye,

You saw me smile,
To this bleeding sensation,
You made me fall in love with you.
And even in this field of innocent lies, I lay
I will wait for you,

and yet again
my hands with tremble for you,
And once I am in your grasp,
The hells fire will hold me back,
But still I'll wait for you,

Trapped in my icy prison for you,
Only allow to watch as you pass by,
Only allowed to long for your touch,
Your touch abusive or loving,
Wishing to hear your words,
Harsh and aggressive or caring and soft,
as long as it's you.

This is demons play,
keeping me from you,
Making me lay in my bed of morphine,
we'll never be happy dead or alive,
Then I'll wait for you,
And only you.

To my love,
from the dead.

- Sometime in 07
Payne Ookami
Gabrielle Victoria D.

[Jesus Of Suburbia]

Dead, I lay asleep,
In the darkness so deep.
With cuts all on my arms,
And blood covering my charms.

My eyes still open from the pain,
An empty soul still remains.
The tears still cover my face,
The pain, you can't erase.

A note by my hand,
A letter was the plan.
"To the ones that cared..."
It said so everyone could share,
The letter so sad,
It almost seemed like this wasn't bad.

"I'm sorry for what I've done,
But there was a battle to be won.
I couldn't bear my life,
Filled with loneliness, hate, and a knife"
It said, as it became black,
Then I woke up, never wanting to go back.

'Could it have been...'
I thought, afraid of that sin.
'...the future?'

- Sometime in 07

Payne OOkami
Gabrielle victoria D.

[Jesus Of Suburbia]

me and her

Cheer up Emo kid they say
Laughing as they walk past
Your only seeking attention
Wanting to be seen

They want to see your so called pain
Pushing you back and fourth
Taunting you with the knife
But still you won't show the pain

Inside your bleeding and screaming
Grieving for what you never had
You show your pain on the outside
Bare the scars of what you went through

Depression comes and goes
But everyone gets down at times
Why are you different from anyone else
You can't stand out from the crowd

You're worthless and you deserve all your pain

- Saturday, February 02, 2008 11:53 PM
Fallen Angel Deon
Deon RIP

[Jesus Of Suburbia]

my feelings

I.

pressing down piano keys of ebony and ivory.
finding salvation in the sound of

love.

II.

my fingers were twisted with yours.
i wasn't drowning.
no, not yet.

not now,
at least.

i was only treading water.

III.

i felt alive.

i felt real.

it was something that i hadn't felt in

forever.

IV.

you signed your letters with X's and O's.

they filled me with something.

for once it wasn't empty words that filled me.

because the words,

the words that i wrote,

filled me with such a false sense of

security.


V.

it
was
as
gentle
as
your
heartbeat.

it
was
as
silent
as
your
breath.

- Saturday, February 02, 2008
Fallen Angel Deon
Deon RIP

[Jesus Of Suburbia]

this one is so f**king old

i.
i put hairspray on my mirror.
trying on a halo for once.
trying to see what it would look like.

trying to see what it would look like
if i was your angel.

ii.

my writing used to be spotless.
every word was centered.
punctuation was perfect.
but i've realized
that my writing is starting to resemble me.

disorganized.
unabled to be fixed.


if maybe you get this;

it was never you. it was always me.

- Saturday, February 02, 2008
Fallen Angel Deon
Deon RIP

[Jesus Of Suburbia]

before

i always watched you shade in the pictures that you drew.

you made them look complete,
made them look like a whole.

i didn't tell you,
but i wished you could shade me in like that.

make me complete.
make me into a whole.

- Saturday, February 02, 2008
Fallen Angel Deon
Deon RIP