Payne's Memories, Poems, stories and more

[Jesus Of Suburbia]

choking on my words

the spaces between the words that i wrote and the spaces between your fingers were getting to me.

i couldn't stand the space.

i had(and still have) such an urge for human warmth.

every sentence that i wrote seemed to be twisted.
every thought put out of it's place.

spending every day playing with my shadow.

i couldn't stand to have someone screaming at me about the things that i'll never be.

but you.

you were the faint feeling of hope in my heart.

you were the reason that words still fell from my fingertips.

i've always wondered, but always to afraid to ask all the questions that came to mind when i saw you.

but i swallowed my words,
i had to.
no matter how much it hurt.
no matter how much it burned.

- Saturday, February 02, 2008
Fallen Angel Deon
Deon RIP

[Jesus Of Suburbia]

please...

& i'll spill you a sunrise if you promise not to leave.
[if you promise not to keep me here.]

seems like someone has been bending invisible strings,
[cutting the ones that matter most.]

& when you come back will this be the end of paralysis?
[will everything return to being spotless, even the bathroom floor?]

i've gone down the sinkhole,

[i've lost all feeling.]

while my heart grows in your mind,
i'll sit here,
trying not to rip my insides out.

can we call this jealousy?
[or am i to over obsessed?]

i know i've told you a million times,
you've got no angels except me.

[so please don't leave !]

- Saturday, February 02, 2008
Fallen Angel Deon
Deon RIP

[Jesus Of Suburbia]

why do they call this love..?

i've been dropping messages and notes to who i am.
[have you noticed? have you cared?]

& we've been chasing the sun and moon looking for the cure to living,

[now i think we've lost sight to what is real and fake.]


&& will the world stop turning when i tell you 'i love you'

will it hurt that much?

is it that wrong?

[&& we've been living in a broken state of mind, and you're the only one who can fix it]

- Sunday, February 03, 2008
Fallen Angel Deon
Deon RIP

[Jesus Of Suburbia]

I can't think straight

Because all I think about is you

Your face

Your voice

Your ever wonderful touch

I can't even sleep without you visiting my dreams

Even though I've never met you

I've known you for a while now

I need you in a way I can't describe

To hold you

To feel your warmth

To give you all the love I feel for you

My heart aches for you

Singing a song of despair

Only singing a song of Hallelujha upon hearing your voice

Even see the words you speak

Makes it jump for joy

I don't know why

It must sound absurd

To love someone like this

Could be a phase

Or just a turn in life that means it's getting better

But somehow I think it'll last

I long for the day

I can go to you

You show me the light within the darkness I lurk

You are my Sun

I am your Moon

I wait for the day to hold you

To feel your warmth

To say I love you

To be there before you fall

I may of screwed up once before

I'm so sorry

I can't even describe in words how that made me feel

Only the tears that fall can say what cannot be said

I'll make things right this time around

But only if you give me the chance

I've never quite felt this way before

Been close

But not like this

This is much much different

I feel the same as I did then

Except this time I'm telling you

I'll be to you

What you used to be to me

I'll be your Guardian Angel.

- Tuesday, February 05, 2008
Fallen Angel Deon
Deon RIP

[Jesus Of Suburbia]

A Few Interviews with Payne Ookami- All questions were asked by Survina Gray and Dante'.

Interviewer1((Survina)):: So, Payne what do you think of teh up rising crimes in Today's Society?

Me:: The crimes..? All perfectly natural in a society whose advances are limited to it's technology. The basic behavior of the modern human is hardly different from that of it's primitive ancestors, the only noticeable changes are the Cliques, whether in suits or lion clothe, humans are ignorant thorns cutting into one another.

Survina:: O-Okay what about the people and their crimes, why do you think people do it?

Me:: Everyone in their life does ac rime or two, Maddles, Humans seem incapable of advancing above the violent tendency's that in the past: was necessary for survival. Please...Ask another

Survina:: er...Okkkkkkayyy. What do you think of people blaming, television on crimes, and influencing them, to do what they see on the show.
Me::........Oh...Any pile of shit that's unaware that entertainment IS THAT AND NOTHING MORE! deserves to be skinned alive, and watch as I wear their skin, while slowly parting the internal organs from the muscles, hanging it on the wall and giving each organ to their family for CHRISTMAS!! Any Peon that uses tv, music, books and movies- Which is all just entertainment not guide books to damning their selves.

Survina::......holy Jesus fucking marry on a uni-cycle Gabitha! Pissed much?

Me::Yes ^^

Interviewer 2((Dante')):: Hi Payne, so I am here to ask you about your rpc's The self loathing Kyoko from the bleach site, Ashiro your egotistic demon from the YYH site. Reina from LSS and Underworld site- she is the punk bitch in LSS and a timid human in the underworld site. And finally your newest rpc Misuki Yui the one who hates humans )

Me:: You for got Kanna

Dante:: whatever! So are you like your rpcs in personality?

Me: I could create, a transvestite half dog cat and human circus stripper and that tranny would be me in every way. Because I created it, it came from MY mind.

Dante:: MHMM and that Kanna is, who would happen to be your favourite rpc?

Me:: Kyoko and Mizuki of course.
Dante:: So are you as negative as Kyoko- who is pretty much the calender girl of emo Arrancar? Next to Ulquiorra being the calender boy of the year that is.

Or Mizuki- Who hates to be touched, and looks up to the vanity queen?



Me:: I don't get it. What the hell is wrong with you? Those are my RPC's. I'm living with you right here!! So why should differentiating myself from my RPC's even be an issue? I hat you every question your threw at me SUCKED MONKEY BALLS *crosses arms*

Dante:: WAFFLEPANTS!! with Kyoko's sullen expression allt he time and Mizuki's dark attire, aren't you afraid of them being lumpe dinto cliques?

Me::...Oh do tell me. Do pigs fly in your world? kyoko couldn't possibly be lumped into a clique, goths and emos are pale, and tall and wear black all the time. She isn't pale, she never wears all black which is what me and my rpc's have in common non of them are pale. Kyoko is sorta beige, Misuki is a faded purple and me..I am a sickly yellow. jeesh.

Dante':: OH! I get it so....What kind of music do you like to listen too?

Me:: Why? Are you going to give me CDs?

Dante:: No..I just wanted to know...

Me:: Why should you care?

Dante':: YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE A GUARDED UP BITCH ABOUT IT!

Me:: FINE I ABSOLUTELY LOVE H.I.M!

Dante':: See it wasn't that bad, you just have to get out of your mind that your personal life is your own.

Me::.....

Dante:: Is there any particular reason Romance flails with your RPC's? I mean KyokoxValios I am surprise a rape child hasn't came out of Kyoko. And PrientxReina-Hay I noticed something Your rpc's always ends up with Amyrlinseat's ;]

Me::...Well I will use the fact that love and romance doesn't exist in the real world, it's just something people to say, before or after sex.Or to have sex with a person. And for the Amyr thing, well AmI Kyoko, Am I Reina, No. It jsut ends that way. Just because the rpc dates another doesn't mean the person is dating each other.

Dante:: Are you goth?

Me::....*growls and tackles dante shoving my hand into his eye balls and pulling out his brain taking out his long intestine and shoving it where his brain belongs and puts his brain where his long intestine belongs.*

Dante::*dead*

Me:: o_.;; well...that's all folks ^^. If you want you can ask me questions next!

[Jesus Of Suburbia]

So today I was sitting in my car, drinking coffee with like 19 sugar cubes. And then I burned my tongue taking a sip out of it, watching the cars go by I realized something, humanity is nothing. Humans are weak creatures. Our bones are as brittle as the skin that covers them.
Our skin is as brittle as paper.
Imagine if I, right now was hit head on by a truck. ((Not that coco cola truck that already hit me )) But a bigger car, 6 wheeler so to say.
What would you say would happen to me.
Death.
Now onto another thing.
Humans are nothing without their technology.
Even though I am a human, I can't say I hate what I am. Although I can think I should.
Take away today's technology, at this time from people. What do you think will happen?
Total chaos.
We've forgotten what we are.
Animals.
The chaos will awaken the animal in some of us.
Thus awakening the fight or flight instinct.
We'll kill each other-for no reason (Not that we already don't)
But ti's a fact.
I don't call myself insane like most of you do, or soon will. I call myself opened minded. People are afraid of the truth, I speak it.

Thus onto another insane thought I have.
America

People say we are the land of the free? Not at all. We just have less laws then other countries.
Compare America's Reign to the Roman's Reign.
Similar, No?
America takes what it doesn't have.
If Russia- So to say- Has some new missile. And America doesn't.
We'll take it.
Even by the means of war.
If china has a deadly disease spreading.
We'll clean it
Not the nice way either.

We'll take and take and give nothing at all back. We have to lead. we have to win.

Newsflash::

WE'RE ALL BORN TO DIE, WE'RE ALL BORN TO LOSE.

-Payne Ookami
Gabrielle V D.
Thursday August 14th 2008 1:27 PM -2:00 PM